We’ve all been there, ladies. You meet someone, you fall hard and fast. And out of nowhere, it’s gone. Not only are you left confused; but your head is spinning, you don’t know whether to scream or cry (or order 15 large pizzas). Sad music makes it hard to stay composed, yet you can’t help but listen to every one that makes you want to build a canoe, cry yourself a river and float down RelationShit Rapids without a paddle. That feeling in your chest can only be compared to what I assume it would feel like to be shot with a Kevlar vest on. Your heart is pounding, thoughts are racing and you wish you could reverse time. Broken hearts don’t discriminate. In most cases, nothing you say or do will make him come back, but that doesn’t stop you from second guessing your every move while you were with him. That overwhelming feeling sets in, you miss him and there’s nothing that you can do but deal.
Bess Myerson wrote that “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.” So where do we go from here? As women, how do we effectively cope with a loss so that we can move on? Here are a few tips from yours truly, learned through surviving a disappointing profusion of fallacious love affairs.
- Find peace in your independence before starting something new: We’ve all tried to fill the void with new guys; hey, for the time being they can help us to feel better about ourselves. But just think, is it really fair to play with someone’s emotions just to feel better about yourself? Absolutely not! Chances are, you’ll both end up hurting in the end.
- Get out of the house: It’s so easy for us to nurse a heartache in bed; lights out, under your covers and watching season after season of random shows on Netflix. But the more time you spend in isolation, the more time you tend to devote to that gaping hole in your chest. Chances are, you look, feel, and probably smell like shit. So go do something! Take a cleansing walk/run, go see a funny movie, buy a new pair of shoes, go have coffee in a bistro. Do your make-up, fix your hair, and get your butt out of that house while you’re looking hot!
- Say “I love myself”: Positive affirmation is extremely effective at fighting the blues. Make a list if you need to, leave post-its all over your house. Write it in lipstick on your bathroom mirror. Tell yourself repeatedly, “I have too much to offer this world, to waste my time and energy on self pity and sadness.”
- Help someone other than yourself: It is almost a knee-jerk reaction to call your friends and sob, whine, and complain about your failed love affair. Fight that urge. That’s not to say you shouldn’t talk about your issues, but say what you need to say and move on. No-one likes a Debby Downer. Instead, try being a shoulder for someone else in need. Do something for your community, pay it forward at your local drive-thru, tell another woman she’s beautiful. Doing things for others; nine times out of ten, will make you feel better about yourself and give you a positive outlook on life.
- Work through it, not around it: Allow yourself time to grieve while still doing things that can improve your own happiness. If you don’t take the time to mourn the loss now, it’s liable to bite you in the tush later on down the road. A good cry at times can be just what the doctor ordered, your tears release tension. Just don’t pitch a tent at camp woe, is me.
- GET OFF OF FACEBOOK: Don’t look him up, don’t look up his new love interest (if he has one), don’t look through old pictures of the times you shared together. Don’t post attention seeking statuses, have standards and show restraint. You’ll thank yourself later for this.
- Ask for help if you need it: This is the last, and in my opinion the most important tip. Anxiety and depression are as real as the ground that we walk on. Mental disarray can be debilitating. If you find that you are in over your head, speak up. Go talk to a professional and get medication if you need it.
Now the hard part, putting these ideas into action. It’s always easier said than done, but as sure as the sun will rise again, your heart will mend. Chin up, princess…you have a life to live. 🙂